Rebuilding Broken Trust in a Marriage

Get back that trust.

Trust is the bedrock of what makes relationships work. It is the fundamental process of love and intimacy. When trust goes, what goes with it are safety, security, respect, love and friendship, replaced by anger, insecurity, anxiety and fear.
Trust can be lost through lies, rage, violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and, most prominently, sexual infidelity.
Once trust has been lost, what can we do to get it back - if anything?


Coming clean does work.
Denial only leads to more distrust, so the truth has to come out along with the willingness to take responsibility for your actions. However, detailed truth can sometimes make the hurt even worse and compound the pain, and therefore the healing process.

Being defensive, righteous or casual about the problem never works.
There must be a sincere effort to work out the issues, or the wall will never come down. The angrier you are, the less you are able to hear what the aggrieved one has to say, and the worse what they feel will get.

Talk about what made you do it.
Opening up about your own struggle, the need to get help, and the awareness of what got you there in the first place will help to prevent further infractions.If there is loneliness in the marriage, take the initiative to make an appointment with a counselor. Talking about your feelings of alienation is the best way to connect again.

Be an open book.

she is doing the contrary

That means open your cell phone, email, and appointment book for a period of time. This is usually the hardest part, because any person who has lived that underground life of secrecy likes it that way.They feel entitled to privacy, and they become righteous and indignant. At this point, you will need to take a moment and ask yourself what is really important: your relationship or your privacy?


Renew your vows.
Whether married or not, there is a need to discuss values about living life and what that entails. This may be the most important part of the process. Take time to talk about what you want, what got you into this mess, and what needs to happen moving forward. Write it all down and make a ceremony out of it. Invite your friends and family. Tell the world what you are going to do and mean it.

Renewing trust is not just a decision—it’s a lifestyle change. It’s about coming home to yourself and your mate, and making it work. Keeping a relationship clear and open is a valuable process. When we lie, cheat, steal and do bad things to ourselves or others, we pay the ultimate price, and we lose what is most precious to us. If you need help, get it. If you need a change, then make it. Creating trust is a big deal, so treat it that way.